This blog is good because it allows me to look back at how I felt.
To look back and remind myself how difficult it was for me.
To remind me to be harder, more resilient.
These are the things I don’t text them. Things I tell them. Things I don’t Snapchat them.
The things I don’t omit.
I’m not sure how much it works but it helps.
S said he was scared of commitment.
When I was with him I sat in front of a mac and it told me my fortune was happy love that’s just around the corner.
S looked scared of the word.
I’m trying to play it cool with S.
I don’t know how long it will last.
I’ve seen S for three days in a row now.
Still scared of any labels.
When he was on his message feed I saw a conversation with a man named ‘Jordan’.
There was a menacing ‘🍆’ emoji next to the contacts name.
Yesterday D replied to my selfie saying ‘I recognise that lip bite’.
I replied with ‘Could be possible’.
D wants to have me in my bed again.
M messaged me today asking to go for that long awaited coffee.
The conversation ended when I pretended I didn’t have his number saved.
I have no interest in either of them but I don’t want to say.
Trying to be nice and not hurt people becomes a Catch 22. You can hurt them more if you don’t let them know.
That being said, it’s just social media.
I can’t accept responsibility for my binary codes and the allure of my profiles.
S told me last night he’s scared of commitment.
It’s difficult to see past a mans track record.
But when I’m with S it’s when I spend the most time away from my phone.
I’m not looking for a man to fix anything in me, but S has his subtle way.
I’ve come to the Carribean sea and I’m finding it difficult.
I needed this break from dating, but I also miss dating.
I am at the pleasant in between stage with S.
I wrote a letter telling S I wanted him to be my boyfriend but I didn’t send it.
I didn’t send it because who even reads letters these days.
Things are getting serious.
S will hurt me but it’s fun to go for this ride with him.