This blog is good because it allows me to look back at how I felt.
To look back and remind myself how difficult it was for me.
To remind me to be harder, more resilient.
These are the things I don’t text them. Things I tell them. Things I don’t Snapchat them.
The things I don’t omit.
I’m not sure how much it works but it helps.
S said he was scared of commitment.
When I was with him I sat in front of a mac and it told me my fortune was happy love that’s just around the corner.
S looked scared of the word.
I’m trying to play it cool with S.
I don’t know how long it will last.
I’ve seen S for three days in a row now.
Still scared of any labels.
When he was on his message feed I saw a conversation with a man named ‘Jordan’.
There was a menacing ‘🍆’ emoji next to the contacts name.
S told me last night he’s scared of commitment.
It’s difficult to see past a mans track record.
But when I’m with S it’s when I spend the most time away from my phone.
I’m not looking for a man to fix anything in me, but S has his subtle way.
I said was waiting for S to surprise me and he did.
I was unravelling and S appeared at my bedroom window to check that I was okay.
Is this reality or a romcom?
Why do I still not trust S?
Last night, for the first time, I needed S.
I was sad and I needed S.
Today, this is scaring me.
K followed one of my best friends into a shop and tapped her on the shoulder.
She said he had said that coffee with me recently had helped give him closure.
Over a year is a long time to still need closure.
Will I ever not worry about K?