This blog is good because it allows me to look back at how I felt.
To look back and remind myself how difficult it was for me.
To remind me to be harder, more resilient.
These are the things I don’t text them. Things I tell them. Things I don’t Snapchat them.
The things I don’t omit.
I’m not sure how much it works but it helps.
I said was waiting for S to surprise me and he did.
I was unravelling and S appeared at my bedroom window to check that I was okay.
Is this reality or a romcom?
Why do I still not trust S?
M got back in touch.
I respect M.
I had to tell him I was in something.
I made it halfway in letting M down.
You push into each other.
Spend days, weeks in their bed.
Yet you don’t delete the apps.
You don’t go on the apps, but they still remain.
You don’t delete the apps.
I spoke with S in bed. We talked about the community.
We have both made love to D.
As S revealed this, I saw the poster on his wall peel away at the corner.
The worst thing about being connected to this community of dating… is seeing someone you’ve dated like someone your datings picture on Instagram.